He Flew the Koop
by NoWindForThisHole
Summary: Koops did something wrong


Koops had fucked up big time. He had thrusted far too deep. Koopie Koo needed immediate medical attention, but he was still bonered! He took her to the inn, but she would not be outt.

"You are under arrest, Koopa!" Goombella said, entering through the door without even fucking knocking. "What seems to be the prob?"

Koops was panicking. Everyone could see his wee-wee. Where were his pants? Did he have pants? These were mysteries that would never be solved.

"We need a doctor, Goombella" said Goombella. "Good thing I'm here, Goombella!" She pulled out her "surgical tools" consisting of a pickaxe, a dinosaur tooth, and the Constitution of the United States.

Koopie Koo writhed in pain and fear. "We the People are gonna get this party started!" shouted Goombella as she pumped the female turtle full of 20 grams of ecstasy.

Koopie Koo flatlined. Goombella thought it was the "start" sound. Koops was sad, but still a little hard.

"I need to blow these garments off," Goombella stated. "Get the cloud."

Koops whistled to the wind, signaling the dawn of a new era. Flurrie came through the wall, boob first. "When you tug my nipple, I go, oooooooooo," she slurred. The tips of her nips grew 20 inches upward, and so did Koops. He was frustrated. "Give my greasts a good squeeze," Flurrie instructed the Goomba girl.

Goombella had no hands.

"I do it," Koops volunteered. He leaned back to watch it go. One hand grasped Flurrie's chest, and the other grasped something completely different. With three fell swoops, Koopie Koo's shell was torn off.

"Finally, I can get to work," Goombella grumbled, using her headgear to collect the grotesque residue for later use. "I need some gauze," she said.

Flurrie butt-clapped the signal, and Doopliss came in rappin' like a mother fucker. Koops was his archenemy.

"Wow, is that Poops?" Doopliss insulted.

"Hey, look, it's Poopliss," Koops retorted.

"You're acting _very_ immature," Goombella scrutinized.

"Shut up, Poopbella!" Flurrie joined in. Each of them slapped one boob to pay their respects.

Koopie Koo was still bleeding. Doopliss smothered her. Goombella tried to give a thumbs down, but she still didn't have hands. "No, no, it's like this," rapped Doopliss, disagreeing.

Goombella shrugged, but she had no shoulders.

"Scalpel," said Coombella.

A loud rumbling came from far, far, far, far away. Koops looked from his newspaper in shock. "I feel a rumbly in my prostate. That can NOT be good," Koops crossed his arms.

The shaking affected Goombella's eyesight. "Koops, get off the bed!" she said as Koopie Koo fell off the operating table.

Koops just stood there, just like he did at the altar last week. He kind of hoped she didn't make it, but his boner thought otherwise.

"Kroops, I understand you've had trouble with your marital issues," Flurrie spoke, massaging her boob. "But every once in a while, you just have to take some responsibility. You have to listen to your woman sometimes. When she says you need to spend more time with her, you should do just that. When she asks why you keep staying out so late, you tell her the truth. When she asks why you never look into her eyes when you make love anymore, you should know that she knows why you've been out. You've been seeing that bitch again, haven't you? You broke up with her two years ago, you lying pig! For fuck's sake, Henry, I saw you at the gas station with her. I know she wasn't just pumping gas. Yeah, lemme guess, she was pumping your tiny, grimy, muddy guilt tube. Well, jokes on you! Yesterday, I took your credit card, bought that diamond ring you promised, sold your car, bailed out your sister so she can strike again, put all of your stock in a company that went out of business five years ago, shat on your bed, and got the surgery to get these _maggots out of my vagina_. How does it feel _now_, Henry?!"

Everybody slowly backed away, expect Koops, who got a little closer.

"Maggots aren't in this book!" Goombella said, furiously flipping through an encyclopedia. Flurrie needed a moment, but Koopie Koo didn't have a moment. Her flatline got even flatter.

Yoshi finally got there. "Somebody say scalpel?" Yoshi gasped and coughed.

Goombella hugged Yoshi, but she had no arms. "I wanna use your arms as my arms," she suggested. Yoshi said no.

"Then you know what has to happen," Goombella frowned. Yoshi frowned, too, understanding the consequences of his actions.

Koops counted down from 68. Everyone but Koopie Koo groaned. Yoshi started at the 59 mark. "Cannonball!" he shouted, doing such onto Koopie Koo, back first. His scales impaled what was left of Koopie Koo to the point where she was almost cut cleanly in half, but she wasn't. It gave Goombella just enough room to get a sneak peek.

Koopie Koo's liver was gone. Her spleen was on the wrong side, she only had one lung, and her heart was upside-down and green. "Koops, what the fuck did you do?" said Yoshi, looking at the damage.

Doopliss gave the report. "As far as I could tell from my station at the window, they were having hardcore turtle sex under the light of Koops's light-up Heelys. Koopie Koo said, 'Dude, is it even in there?' and Koops said, 'I think I should get harder.' He took a bottle of viagra and emptied it into his anus, absorbing it faster than the speed of sound. The penis got harder faster than Koops could deal with. Koopie Koo told him that it was really in there, but Koops thought she said to drink five more bottles. Koops was too into it to remember to pull it out, so his knotted cock remained within while he walked to the medicine cabinet. Koopie Koo didn't fall off."

Not everybody was okay with this. "I don't remember that," Koops whined.

"That's because you overdosed on viagra," Goombella emphasized, flipping him off, but she had no fingers.

Koops fell to the floor, and Vivian came out of the floor.

"Good job, Koops," said Koops.

Vivian waited a bit, then punched the table Koopie Koo was on. While she was in the air, Vivian chanted a prayer. It went like this:

"_O the one within my soul,_

_ Put something in the saggy hole._

_ Save this turtle from the mole,_

_ Maybe I shouldn't have smoked that bowl._"

Koopie Koo regained consciousness and screamed as she saw her own organs strewn across her chest. Vivian pointed and laughed. "Ha ha! You're a loser!"

"More like Poopie Poo!" Koops restated, almost somberly, as he thought of the bed. He was _still_ hard.

Goombella was feeling a little lazy, so she put Koopie Koo's shell back on without fixing anything. "The operation was a success." Koopie Koo couldn't move.

Koops finally gave in. "I just gotta do it!" he said.

Koopie Koo opened her mouth, the only orifice left, and Koops blew the airhorn.

"Goddamn it, Koops," said Goombella. She slapped him across the face, but she had no hands.


End file.
